I always thought being happy with what you have would be enough. I always try to tell myself that I am already very fortunate to have most of the things that I wanted. But sometimes its just so depressing when you see people who get the chance to go to school (cause' their family could afford it) not wanting to go to school, and those people who can't afford to (like me) are able to go to school even we want to.
I try not to pity myself, I tell myself at least I'm independent. But no matter how strong I am, people just pops out randomly to remind me how sad I am. When I was young, life seems perfect. My parents owned 2 stalls selling fruits. We lived in a 5 room flat with our own corridor and everything was air conditioned. It was the perfect life that everyone wanted. I didn't know what happened exactly but all I know was suddenly we had to sell the flat and move to somewhere near my grandma. Dad's business went down and soon after he got into the hospital with stroke.
Things got worst, he was in & out of ICU certain times while I was having 'O' levels. My days were visiting the hospital then back home, then school and repeat the circle. Obviously I was in no mood to take the examinations and failed badly. Things in school wasn't great as well, people avoided me, talked things bad about me behind my back (that's explain I wasn't close to them). Dad had to move in to a hospice later on, as the hospital staffs felt that there's no longer a need for him to stay there. And of cause, we owed the hospital a huge amount of money.
After staying the hospice for around 1+ year, dad passed away one morning. I do not know what happened exactly. I was a little relived cause I know my dad doesn't have to suffer anymore + mum wouldn't have to carry such a burden for the medical fee anymore. I remembered my friends telling me that they would come for my dad's wake, I waited, but no one came.
I went on to poly with the savings that grandpa left me. It made me through the 3 years of poly with the grants from school and also money from Aunt paying for all the laptops and other stuffs for school. My uncles whom had promised me that they'll be paying for Uni wasn't doing well either. One uncle had been down with Heart Disease and couldn't work for 2 years, for that period of he depended on his savings which was meant for my uni education. Then came my another uncle whom sprained his back and hurt his spine during work. He couldn't walk or move for 2 months and all he had was to depend on his savings too.
He gave me pocket money everyweek but although its not much, its still a lot for him. I saw him with his bag spoiled but didn't replaced one cause he had to give me the pocket money. I told myself I shouldn't be a burden on him and try to work a little to pay off for the bills. It made me super upset this morning when my teacher spoke to me as she had reminded me how pathetic I was. She said I should placed myself as a student first and employee second, but did she know what happened at home? I am a student, but I am also working out to find the best way to lighten the burden for my family members.
She wanted me to work out a way to attend the award ceremony rehearsal which was very important, but also, I didn't want to skip class as I know money doesn't come easy. Every class that I get are paid off by my aunt working tiredly in her workplace.
No comments:
Post a Comment